Angry Angel

sigh

2008-07-14T14:13:59Z

I haven't posted on here or on fanfiction.net in forever, for the same reasons I have already mentioned so many times. I'm sure most everyone has lost interest in "Whispered Screams" already, but nonetheless, I haven't quit working on it. I refuse to. I'll finish that story, some day.

Anyhow, I noticed that the link to Chapter 21 - Extra from my previous entry was no longer working, so I re-uploaded it to a different server.

http://snowcherry.110mb.com/chapter_21.html

Please let me know if you notice that this is no longer functioning. You know, the one account I probably keep up the best with is my Myspace account. Feel free to say hello there, if you'd like :)

http://www.myspace.com/angryangel2063

Alas...

2007-10-21T01:13:50Z

It's been so long, I don't even remember how to write anything anymore, haha. Work has kept me so busy, private life hasn't been much better... I work on WS off and on, but it's difficult, I will admit. No, I won't be dropping it, but it will take a while to be completed. Shockingly enough, it's already been three years since I started it, I believe. I wish I had more time and inspiration to dedicate to fanfiction right now, but I really don't. Need to get my bills paid, which is most important to me right now. I am so sorry :(

Also, I am aware that erytheia.com is down. I have not renewed my contract for the domain because I was planning on getting a new one. That, too, takes more time than I have available right now. I will, however, upload the "hidden" chapter someplace temporary, so it will at least be available for reading.

!!! This is the new, working link to Whispered Screams' Chapter 21 - Extra !!!

http://snowcherry.ofingo.com/ws_21_extra_temp.html

Please let me know if it happens to go down! Thank you :)

WTB: Mansecks!

2007-08-17T03:46:18Z

Weee, long time no post! Uhm, my life really isn't that exciting, I've just been busy. Moved into the new apartment, which I luuuuuurv... got a new car... boyfriend (the one from my last journal entry) although he's in Iraq now until November... doing some job changes... signed my divorce papers lolz... and I read Harry Potter, finally XD I was gonna hold off a little longer, but I got too scared I would run across spoilers on accident.

Anyone read it yet (durh, anyone who DIDN'T?)? Any thoughts? I really liked it, it seemed shorter than the other books though, dunno why.

I didn't really write anything over the past two months, so I'm really behind. I'll catch up on it ASAP. With the boyfriend gone, I should have plenty of time. My thumb is infected right and in a sling-a-majingy now, so I can't type super-well. With zee meds it should be better in a couple of days.

Oh, and it's me birthday tomorrow :D

Want healing yaoi buttsex!

2007-06-15T15:45:33Z

My search for a place is going pretty good. I am probably going to move in with these two people, a guy and a girl, until I've saved up some money to buy enough furniture and stuff for my own apartment. I think I'll be moving by like Tuesday. Not too bad. It'll be kinda weird and like being back in college 'cause I'll only have like one room to myself, but thats okay. It'll be nice to just be around people and not your freak husband.

What's funny, too... I went to lunch with this guy yesterday purely to talk about potentially becoming roommates, but man... he is CUTE XD He looks kinda like Vin Diesel, but prettier. If that makes sense, ya know... Vin Diesel is hot, but not really "pretty". LOL XD He took me to lunch, took me to the mall just to walk around (what straight man does that?? None I ever dated) and then took me to Cold Stone Creamery (ice cream homg lol). It was fun. For whatever it may be worth, it was very distracting, and in a good way.

About 10 mins after we said goodbye and he said he'd call me about hanging out again, I sent him a txt msg saying I had fun. He calls me right after I sent it, but I had my phone muted so I didn't see it until about a minute or so later. Then I call, and he tells me that he was writing ME a message when he got mine, then he tried to call me, and that he was working on another message when I called him back. Anyway, he asked me out to lunch again for today :x My weak ass said yes.

I'm sure it'll be entertaining.

Forever, huh? Yeah right.

2007-06-11T17:21:36Z

I know I've been slacking on WS and LJ updates lately. I got a new job, which I love doing, but it keeps me pretty busy. On top of that, my marriage is - since Sunday - absolutely done for. Most of you who have been reading my LJ for a little while are probably familiar with my marital situation. It's been bad for months, but when I came home from working night shift on Sunday, cuddled up to him in bed that morning, we're being all lovey-dovey and I get up a couple hours later to find him making dating profiles online, I knew this was never going to work out. Anyway, I am looking for a new place to stay right now. Problem is I will be taking three cats and a dog, I don't really make a whole lot of money, I've never lived on my own in the US, none of my family are here, I'd like to go back to Germany but the job market there is horrid... ack, there is a whole slew of issues, really.

Ooops. One of my potential roommates just called and asked me to come check out the place, so I'm gonna go do that. I may post more later :3

WS Chapter 22

2007-04-07T13:40:18Z

I updated WS on fanfiction.net and my website. The version on my homepage is a little more complete since I had to remove shit for ff.net. Damn them ho's XD If anyone wants a copy of the lullaby mp3, let me know.

Shrink ahoy!

2007-03-20T16:31:15Z

I saw a shrink today... for marriage counseling, but it was a single session (just me, not my husband). It was an interesting experience, that's all I can really say right now... >____

I'll be damned.

2007-02-13T04:14:41Z

Okay, so... I totally forgot about this, but when I was in Germany, all the little fangirls went weeee over this German band called "Tokio Hotel." Anyone ever heard of them? I came across some pictures of the lead singer today, and "his" name is Bill and I'll be damned to hell and back if that is actually a male.

http://entertainment.webshots.com/album/554531872BVvayK?start=0

I'm all for the androgynous pretty boys and what not... but this is not even right. I need to see some explicites to believe this shit o__0 I feel like a lesbian just for looking at "him"... "it"... oh, gender confusion, how I love thee >.< I'm so lost.

Yatta!

2007-01-28T00:49:16Z

Okay, I always just assumed everyone had seen this already, but just in case you haven't... you have GOT to see this video XD It's cult! It's like the hamster dance!

http://www.squarefree.com/mirrors/yatta.mpeg

Yatta!

... Speaking of the hamster dance...

http://www.superlaugh.com/1/hamsterdance.htm

^______________________________^

So random XD

2007-01-15T18:59:20Z

I had to share this... you wouldn't believe what google comes up with when you search for "funny lord of the rings", but this thing is brilliant:

http://www.funny.co.uk/stuff/art_71-2602-Lord-of-the-Rings-The-Secret-Diaries.html

The Secret Lord of the Rings Diaries... need I say more? XD I certainly laughed my ass off. It's long - took me like three different sessions to read it all - but so worth it.

WS is coming along good. It's one of those, uh, moody chapters, you know? That you need to be in the right mood for? Anyway, it's going well :3

I heart you all <3

Everything

2006-12-27T07:28:38Z

What can I say... I suppose I should start with "Merry Christmas" and "Happy New Year", although one is terribly late and the other a bit too early. In any case, I'm sorry for being in hiding for so long, and I hope everyone had fun over the holidays.

I moved. Not to Germany, as I had thought, but to Fayetteville, North Carolina. I'm still married... my husband and I are here together, whether that's a good thing or not, I have yet to decide. Things have been... 'awkward', for a lack of a better term. I don't trust him, and he's not really trying to get my trust back, either.

It's a strange situation, really... I did end up going to Germany for 2 weeks, and it was great. I love my family, and it was soooo good to see them. Talk about a therapeutic experience and what not ^__^ Family's worth more than anything to me. I talked a lot about what was going on back here in the states, and everyone basically adviced me to leave the husband and come back (go figure :>). I don't blame them. I felt the same way. I didn't wanna come back.

The husband had a change of heart halfway through my stay and decided he loved me more than he thought and wanted to stay married. Remember what they say about "you don't know what you got till it's gone"? He's the prime example, always has been. It's so predictable, it's just sad.

To make a long story short, I decided to give us another chance. It was one of those decision that don't make sense and don't really feel right, but you make them anyway because you're not quite ready to let go. Quite honestly, I don't think anything is going to change. I lost that belief a long time ago. He's already calling women behind my back again... claiming they're old friends, other guys' wives... whatever. He called this woman 14 times on one day, talking for over three hours altogether... always when I wasn't around, and he never mentioned a word about it. What honest man does that? I've confronted him about it several times, he claims she's just a friend... so I asked to meet her, and he refused. Go figure. When he talked to her after, he claimed it was only to tell her I wanted to meet her, and that we'd meet once he's back from his trip to Colorado (where he is right now). We'll see, I guess.

Have you ever felt like this before? Knowing you're putting effort into something that's hopeless anyway, only because you don't wanna give up, or because you're not ready to be all on your own? Why is it people do this? Because they're stubborn? I know I am. Of course there's love and all that, but I've started to build defenses I never thought I would, just because I know I'm gonna get hurt again and I don't want it to sting so fucking much. It's scary, because if things do fall apart, I wonder if I'll ever trust a guy again. Funny how one relationship can ruin your faith in mankind.

Seeing how I'm getting all emo and stuff and these entries are getting WAY too fucking long, I might as well write or something. I really wanna know what ya'all have been up to. And let it be known that I could never put into words how much I adore you for all your support and encouragement on my last LJ entry. I feel so damn grateful for it, it hurts. Just thinking about it makes me tear up.

It's over.

2006-11-14T23:34:01Z

My husband and I are getting a divorce. He told me on Sunday. At first, I wanted to change his mind, but I no longer do. Before he even told me, he went and made all these online singles profiles to meet new chicks... and guess what, one of them called our house today... they've been talking on the phone whenever I wasn't around. He called her from our fucking home phone when I bought dinner on Monday, and I guess she has caller ID and wrote down the number.

Like... you have got to be shitting me.

Maybe it's a good thing, because it showed me how different him and I really are. There was a part of him that was perfect, the perfect fairytale man - caring, loving, selfless, strong, dependable - a side of him that I adored, but he also has that ugly side to him that I couldn't possibly live with. I believe that people can change, but not him, and not like that.

Did I mention that when I got angry about him showing so little respect to me, he got into my face and yelled at me, about how he can make life so horrible for me and yadda yadda? So I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "You can't scare me." And he answers "Oh, I can't? I know where your whole family lives."

It says so much about who he really is. I don't think he changed over the course of our marriage... I think I just begun to see him for what he truly is. A good high school friend of mine, who never liked my husband, called me when he found out and he told me something I found very wise... "At the beginning of a relationship, you see people as you want to see them. Then, you begin to see things that bother you, but you believe you can change them. Eventually, you realize that some things simply cannot be changed, and you kind of surrender to them, continuing to hope that things will miraculously change. Then, some day, when even your hope dies, you understand that being married isn't about winning or losing. It's about being happy, and hopeful, and loyal, and in love. With all that gone, what the hell do you have left to hold on to? Just some false image of a person you once thought was everything you ever wanted. You deserve so much more than that."

It was a lot... and I don't remember word for word... but it made me feel at peace. In fact, everything you guys told me after my last post made me feel very glad, and I am so thankful for your kind words. I can't even describe how much it means to me.

I don't know what will happen now. I am going to Germany for two weeks on Thursday, after that... I don't know. Once my pets are prepped for the flight with vaccines and stuff, I will probably return to my home country.

I'll let you know :)

I am so tired of this...

2006-11-11T02:54:09Z

Most of you who have known me for a while are aware that my husband and I have been having problems for a few months now... or a few years, more like it. In fact, ever since we got married in January of 2004, only a couple months manage to streak by at a time without my husband having his what I call "marriage jitters." When those happen, he yanks up any old issue we ever had, anything I ever did wrong... and he tells me such things as "I don't think we ever should've gotten married", "I don't think I'm cut out for marriage", "this isn't going anywhere" and other stuff which I won't even get into.

I am so tired of it. It feels like watching a tree grow, only to chop it down again every couple of months. It hurts so goddamn much. I've reached a point where I'm tired of defending myself, tired of fighting for a marriage that apparently isn't sacred to anyone but me. He lied to me. He cheated on me. I gave up everything I had to be with him, moved thousands of miles away from my family and friends... for what? This?

I must have been so blind.

I'm writing this, because really, I have nobody to talk to. I don't know anyone here in Colorado well enough to complain about my failing marriage, and I don't want to call home to Germany, because I'd only worry everyone. I can't do anything but watch my life crashing down all around me, cry and pretend it doesn't hurt as much as it does. I'm not asking for comfort or pity, because I know this has happened to many people before me. I just want to understand, and maybe find a piece of me that can decide what to do, and whether I have anything at all left worth fighting for.

Urgh.

2006-11-07T05:44:48Z

I got my stuff cut on today >__< It went well, but man... it is sore ;___; The army hospitals here give you these really strong pain medications... I think mine's called Percozet, and I feel like I'm high o___o At least I imagine this is what HIGH must feel like, ugh. Sooo dizzy lol. I never take pain meds, only aspirin occasionally... my body's like, wtf woman.

Ugh. Can't sleep x___x

stares at her chest

2006-11-02T23:50:00Z

No, it's not that big. Really. It's actually kinda small ^__^' But THOSE aren't the reasons I'm looking at it, anyway. They (the doctor people) hooked me on this heartrate monitor today... with all these little electrodes that are taped onto my chest. It SUCKS. I have to wear it for 24 hours *grumbles* They did an echocardiogram today also, and I guess my heart throws in all these extra beats, which it isn't supposed to do. I could see my heart on the ultrasound, it was pretty darn cool ^-^ They said that nothing is structurally wrong with it, all the valves and stuffs are fine - which is good - but they don't know whats causing these beats, and they're worried >__< My husband was in the room with me during the echo, he looked at me like I was about to keel over and die, lol. Poor guy. I'm really not even feeling bad or anything.

As for the lump thingy... they're taking it out on Monday. As in, cutting it out of my freaking boob. Joy of all joys. At least the surgeon is hot ^___________^ Gotta look at the bright side, eh XD

Yeah... just a little health update thingy for those who care ;p My mom is like wigging out in Germany. I miss her ;___; Hopefully I get to go home this Christmas.

Oh yes.

AND I DON'T WANNA MOVE GODDAMMIT *growls*

Sigh.

drool

2006-10-07T02:39:43Z

Has anyone seen the trailer for "Eragon"?

http://movies.aol.com/movie-trailer-clip/eragon-ed-speleers-jeremy-irons

I so want to see that movie... because Garrett Hedlund is a hot son of a biatch ^______________^ In case you don't know who I'm talking about... the dark kid with the bow, not the blond kid. Garrett is <3 He was Petrokles in "Troy" and the youngest kid in "4 Brothers". The dude is smex.

Excuse my fangirling XD

So... I went to the doctor today...

2006-10-05T22:12:23Z

I'm not so sure if I really want to be writing about this, but it's bothering me and writing usually helps get stuff of my chest (erh... literally...). I went to the clinic today for my annual "well women" checkup, blabla, lots of fun *sneer* And... what do you know... the doc found something funny in my right boobeh >__< I'd kind of felt something there before but shrugged it off, because I tend to get paranoid over stuff like that, and it usually turns out to be nothing. Well... I don't know what it is, and neither did she, so I'm going to get an ultrasound done to get it checked out. I'm so not looking forward to it. Frankly, it scares the piss outta me, but I'm trying to put up a brave face here :p

On top of that, it looks like I have some sort of heart issue. On one of my ambulance rides as an EMT, the paramedic did an EKG on me, just for fun, and it looked pretty fucked up ^__^;; So I showed it to my doc and she wants to check that issue out tomorrow. Dude, I'm like falling to shambles here *sighs*. Jeez. I'll be alright, it just feels like a lot right now. I'm sorry if I'm rambling here, I'm just feeling a lil overwhelmed right now >__<

Sleepies...

2006-10-05T07:10:06Z

Whoa, it's past 1am. Not sure why I'm updating this ^.^; I've been working on revamping my website for the past few hours, because as I was writing over the last few days I realized that half of WS' Chapter 21 won't be posted on fanfiction.net, so I needed a different outlet. Livejournal is a no-go since cuts can only be so long (hell, I had to post Erytheia in 3 seperate entries... fuck that). Anyway, I posted all WS chapters in their original form (with the lyrics that fanfiction.net forbids XD teehee) on my site and will continue to post all future chapters there. I'll also update them on fanfiction.net, but we're starting to hit the rated R/X realm at last, sooo... you won't be able to read those chapters on ff.net. Sorry ;__; I'm not sure if I'll make appropriate versions for ff.net or not, but I seriously doubt it. It'd be way too much trouble. So, I'm just kinda starting to prepare you guys for what's coming ^__^

*stares at her word document*

Hooh boy *gulp* This is gonna be weird XD

Oh, god.

2006-09-11T23:55:41Z

Some of you may have seen my post on my fanfiction account, but I wanted to put it here as well - I hadn't realized how long it's been since I last updated Whispered Screams, and I feel really bad. I can't say that it's felt like 5 months because I haven't had much of a life and way too many personal problems to focus on writing. But anyway... I never meant to take this long.

So, this weekend I cracked down on that chapter and I'm *almost* finished with it. If Asante hasn't forgotten about me, I'll beg her to beta the chapter for me and I'll upload it when it's done. I have a lot to do this week, but I'll do my best, I promise.

I really am so sorry ;__;

LOL ^_^

2006-04-06T17:03:39Z

Your big crazy Livejournal lightsaber duel.

LiveJournal Username

Your favorite Star Wars character?

Your favorite Star Wars movie?

What color is your lightsaber?

How do you weild your lightsaber(s)?

What is your signature force power?

And now the big question... Light Side or Dark Side?

Is pretty fly for a Jedi.

virulent_enmity

Bustin' out flips and jumps that'd make Yoda jealous.

virulent_enmity

Is first to get killed in battle... How embarrasing.

wingedrivers

Manages to chop off one of their own hands. Ooops!

wingedrivers

Wields a lightsaber like second nature.

virulent_enmity

Uses force lighting in the battle... CHEATER!

wingedrivers

Comes out from the battle victor.

shinigami_akumu

Chance you leave this battle with all of your limbs in tact.

82%

This Fun Quiz created by Rob at BlogQuiz.Net

Capricorn Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

Hooray for male concubines!

2006-04-04T22:01:56Z

Do I have some? No. Do I want some? HELL yes!

Okay, first things first: Yes, I'm working on Whispered Screams! I am, I swear it *headdesk*! I hate this chapter with an undying passion because it's so damn boring and sluggish, but it needs to be done. I know nobody will believe me that all these "pointless" chapters are actually necessary and have a purpose, but hey, who am I to talk, anyway? I'm just the freaking author. Why would I know something about my story that you don't *rollseyes*? I'll probably get another crap load of "omfgz Seifer is so stupid!!11oneone!! Why doesn't he notice teh rapage and beatz some a$$ yo?! Omgz why do you write all this crappola, can't they just sex0r?!!11!?? J00 are teh suck!"

Okay. I'll admit, I'm exaggerating here, it hasn't been that bad, but still... why doesn't it get into some people's heads that I didn't write that story for some quick Squall angsting, Seifer ass kicking and SxS smut? I could've pulled that off in one freaking chapter - anyone could. If that's what you're looking for, you have my blessing, but please, move along and look elsewhere >__< Jeez.

Sorry, I'm bitching. I don't like it when I get this way, but it's been frustrating me. Most reviewers/readers are actually really nice and I love their comments and feedback to fucking pieces. It just irks me when some people seem to think they know the story better than I do. I love constructive criticism, like, on things I actually did wrong (spelling, grammar, etc), characters being OOC or things I wrote that totally don't make any sense. I can't stand, however, when people complain about some plot aspects (ie, smut) taking too long or a character not noticing something that's "obvious" (whatthefuckever). FFS, I write this story, don't like it, go write your own and leave me the hell be *growls*

... Okay, I'm done and getting my nose back to the grindstone ~.~ I'm sorry if I offended anyone. Chances are, whoever reads this probably actually cares about WS and isn't just running their stupid mouth. I just get frustrated and it makes me wanna quit fanfiction altogether and just focus on original work, where nobody thinks they know freaking everything just because they played the damn game.

;__;

2006-02-25T04:46:14Z

I am one lazy SOB. I'm sorry I haven't been updating WS, but I haven't been able to write anything acceptable at all lately. I'll blame it on having to write essays for English classes and it kills my creativity. I tried to work on Erytheia to get over this writer's block hump, but that didn't work too well, either. I'm just feeling blah. Sorry ;__;

What in the hell...

2006-01-29T17:33:19Z

I just received an email from a fellow author on fanfiction.net, her pen name is Shinigami Akumu ~> http://www.fanfiction.net/~shinigamiakumu . Apparently, one of her stories got removed because she used the lyrics of a song in it. WTF? Read her profile and the email from ff.net she posted. I looked at their guidelines and it seems as if it's indeed forbidden to use lyrics. Jeez. This is so tiring. Guess I gotta go back and remove lyrics from all of my chapters, one of which is going to be an issue - Let Me Make It Alright. I actually embedded the fricken song into the chapter, and I did the same with Whispered Screams, come to think of it. This is so fucking annoying. Could ff.net be any more anal?

So...

2005-12-30T05:22:28Z

Blah, what a night. We bought a bunch of PC and PS2 games today and spent the last three hours getting one of them to work (Dungeon Siege II). Jeez. We even called some Microsoft support guy, but he wasn't too helpful... go figure :P My husband's still messing with it (and getting pissy b/c I'd rather dabble on here ^__^).

I also got WS Ch. 18 back from my precious, Virulent Enmity *nibbles affectionately*. I'd post it, but ff.net is gonna be down like, all day tomorrow and I don't like submitting stuff and then not being able to get to it. So, I think it'll be up on the 31st.

It's long ^__^

Maybe I should go and have Fayt and Albel make babies XD

EDIT: Alright, fanfiction.net is up and so is Ch. 18 <3

Merry Christmas =3

2005-12-26T03:06:52Z

Well, it's sort of late because I'm German so I already celebrated on the 24th, but whatever. Merry X-mas anyway ^__^ My husband is on crutches for a few weeks so it hasn't been super eventful, but that's fine. I got some neat presents that I just worship *nibbles on her new wacom tablet*

I wanna watch Star Wars tonight, but I have the feeling that's not gonna happen. I seem to be the only SW addict in this house *grumble* I miss my family in Germany like hell. My little brothers are getting so grown up! One of them, who's 20 and doing an apprenticeship at a restaurant right now, baked like fucking 4 cakes yesterday morning and I missed it!!! Makes me wanna cry.

As for my writing... erh. Ch. 18 of Whispered Screams is getting a bit lengthy. I'm right at 14000 words now trying to decide if I wanna put in a chappy break or what. I'm having a hard time right now because I have all these fun ideas for lateron in the story, but I gotta drag myself through the not-so-fun parts first. Blergh.

Oh yeah.

Happy Belated B-Day Seifer!

PS: I'm seriously considering leaving fanfiction.net. I have been so disappointed with them on so many occasions. Their support system is absolutely horrid. I've emailed them/submitted support tickets for several issues and they never once replied to me regarding any of them. The ticket I submitted regarding the WS rip off was closed (after a week of nothingness) without a reply. I don't even know if they contacted the author or what. It's simply pathetic. I guess our work on that site is free to be stolen and reposted and fanfiction.net won't do a damn thing to prevent that from happening. They ban authors for ridiculous reasons and violations of TOS that aren't stated anywhere and that - if you ask them about it - won't be clarified (yes, I'm talking about "review comments" - I emailed them once asking whether they were allowed or not after hearing of authors being banned... think I ever got a reply? Hell no.)

Angry Angel

*sigh*

Alas...

WTB: Mansecks!

Want healing yaoi buttsex!

Forever, huh? Yeah right.

WS Chapter 22

Shrink ahoy!

I'll be damned.

Yatta!

So random XD

Everything

It's over.

I am so tired of this...

Urgh.

*stares at her chest*

*drool*

So... I went to the doctor today...

Sleepies...

Oh, god.

LOL ^_^

Hooray for male concubines!

;__;

What in the hell...

So...

Merry Christmas =3

sigh

stares at her chest

drool